


i got a feeling that i wanna be here with you

by chahakyn



Series: now i’m no longer alone (a 5, 6, 7 friendship series) [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: 567 friendship is something that can be so personal, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Ben Hargreeves' Tentacles | Bentacles, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No Incest, Pre-Canon, Pre-Season/Series 01, Sibling Bonding, Sickfic, Translation Available, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26164456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn
Summary: Five and Vanya take care of Ben after a difficult mission.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: now i’m no longer alone (a 5, 6, 7 friendship series) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900036
Comments: 22
Kudos: 198





	i got a feeling that i wanna be here with you

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [i got a feeling that i wanna be here with you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894944) by [greengoroshek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengoroshek/pseuds/greengoroshek)



> living my best tua life and giving five, ben, and vanya the love and care they deserve!! inspired by [ this lovely art ](https://fan-arter.tumblr.com/post/627865513422405632/fan-arter-did-i-really-just-come-up-with-a) that i saw on tumblr!!
> 
> fic title is from [ Hold it Together](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgctoczKTeM&ab_channel=TheMar%C3%ADas-Topic) by The Marías!

Ben can feel Five standing next to before he sees him, the skin at the back of his neck prickling in response to whatever foreign energy Five emanates an unmistakably familiar feeling. The tentacles in Ben’s stomach wriggle in response, excited to feel Five’s presence. And normally, Ben wouldn’t mind their enthusiasm. But with his post-mission nausea and restlessness (not to mention a possible fever), the agitated movements only serves to sicken Ben further, his fingers clenching against his thigh. The feeling of Five’s eyes boring into the back of Ben’s head doesn’t help either.

“You can just say it,” Ben says glumly, forehead resting against the toilet seat.

“Say what?”

“That I messed up. I jeopardized the mission by losing my head.” Ben closes his eyes against another wave of queasiness, throat tightening as images from their mission hours before flash through his mind.

Eliminating 4 of the criminals with his abilities had taken its toll on Ben, body heavy and arms shaking as he tried to push himself to stand. The tentacles roiled beneath his skin, agitated. They had tasted blood and they wanted _more_.

“Hey, you alright?”

Ben looked up to see Klaus extending his hand out to Ben.

“Relax, we’re almost done here.” Klaus gave him an easy smile, something that he always seemed to have on hand. But not his fake smile; this was the genuine one that made Ben feel warm inside. That feeling quickly dissipated as he saw more criminals rush into the room, their guns leveled at Klaus’ exposed back.

“Klaus!"

It wasn’t often Ben let the eldritch being within him take control of his body. As long as he could remember, Ben had played a game of self-restraint with it: how much could he guide the tentacles, push them to be where he needed them, before they would try to fight, to take over?

Winning the game time and time again wasn’t easy. Letting the appendages do what they wanted was always the easier option. But seeing the bloody corpses strewn in his wake post-mission, the horrified glances of his siblings, and Dad’s disapproving looks pushed him to tamp the being within him down. Hide it unless absolutely necessary.

Ben pushed all of that aside in an instant. Self-control wasn’t going to save Klaus from the men behind them with guns. What he needed was pure, unfiltered power and destruction.

So, he made the choice; he let go.

When Ben had finally struggled back to consciousness, wading through the darkness clouding his mind in order to break through to the surface, he’d been covered in blood with only a vague sense of what had happened. He could remember the sound of bone cracking, over and over. Flashes of deep, dark red. A gut-wrenching scream.

Ben blinked, moving in a valiant effort to push himself up from where he'd been lying, spread-eagled, on the cold marble floor. He glanced up to find himself surrounded by his siblings, identical expressions of horror and fear painted across their faces.

Luther had to carry him home to face Dad’s disappointed expression. That had almost been the worst part of it all, letting him down. Showing that he wasn’t as good as he could be.

“You did what you had to do.” Five says, jostling Ben from reverie as he settles next to him. “And that kind of criticism is more Dad’s domain, anyway.”

Ben nods, the cool porcelain soothing against the throbbing pain in his skull. “Fair.”

Five sighs, laying a careful hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up.”

“Why shouldn’t I? I couldn’t win without relinquishing control. I failed,” Ben says, opening his eyes to stare down at the floor. He can hear Five exhale in exasperation.

“You _really_ didn’t. We all came home in one piece. A lot of that was thanks to you.”

“Really?”

Five snorts. “Do you think I’d say that if I didn’t mean it?”

“I guess not,” Ben hums, carefully turning his head to focus on Five.

“Don’t downplay yourself. You matter.” Five looks into Ben’s eyes for a moment before glancing away, gaze lingering on the side of his face. Ben smiles; Five’s always been a little self-conscious when speaking frankly about how he feels, even if he does a good job of hiding it.

“Can you stand?”

Ben shakes himself from his thoughts and shrugs, moving slowly to brace himself against the toilet seat. Five’s hand hovers near Ben’s right elbow, wary.

“I don’t…” Ben cuts himself off as the throbbing in his head increases, letting out a groan as he slumps back down onto the floor. “No, not yet.”

“That’s fine.” Five nods, surprisingly patient for how slow Ben is recovering. Though, hardly surprising when you think about it. Five is observant to a fault; he knows when to push and when to back off. And he’s always been careful when he needs to be, especially around those he cares deeply for. The knowledge that Five cares enough about Ben to make an effort, combined with the feeling of Five’s hand resting comfortably on Ben’s back, brushing up and down in a soothing motion, makes his heart clench with affection.

But that feeling quickly sours with the doubt that Ben tries desperately to push away. The nagging voice in his brain hisses at him. _Surely, they have better things to do. Five and Vanya. So much of their time wasted on you._

Ben’s jaw tightens. Why is he always such a _burden?_

“I can get Vanya to look after you, if you want me to grab you something,” Five says carefully, gaze trained on Ben.

Ben makes a noise. “You’ve wasted enough time on me. I don’t need to be _babied_.”

Five gives a low laugh in response.

“Yeah, tell me that when you can stand up without passing out.”

Ben growls, slapping the flat of his palm against Five’s thigh as hard as he can. Five doesn’t even wince; he only smirks, the expression clearly visible out of the corner of Ben’s eye. Ben inhales quickly, regretting the energy he wasted as he feels another wave of nausea hit. He quickly pulls himself closer to the toilet, desperately trying to swallow down the bile rising in his throat.

“Seriously. Do you need anything?” Ben looks up to find the smug look wiped from Five’s face, eyes dark as he considers Ben, pale and shaking.

“Do I really look that bad?” Ben whispers.

“You look you’ve got one foot in the grave,” Five says very seriously.

“I really feel like it,” Ben groans, reaching up to blindly fumble for the glass of water sitting on the counter. Five warps to Ben’s left, quickly handing the glass to Ben before bending over, pressing a careful hand to Ben’s forehead.

“Okay, I’m getting you doughnuts and some fever reducer.”

“I can’t eat doughnuts, I’m gonna get sick,” Ben says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I know, it’s for them.” Five nods down at Ben’s stomach, where the restless tentacles churn so violently under his skin, it’s visible through his shirt. Ben looks up at Five in wonder.

“What?” Five scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. “You said they stole the rest of the doughnuts that we were saving for Vanya. Was that a joke?”

“Five—”

“Because if it was, see if I ever grace _you_ with my generosity again—”

“Five, I wasn’t lying,” Bens says earnestly. “I’m just…surprised that you remembered.”

Five pauses before tilting his head, giving Ben an indecipherable look. “Of course I remembered. Why wouldn’t I?”

Ben laughs quietly, only shaking his head before he pulls Five forward into a hug.

“Thank you. You’re the best,” he murmurs.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I think Vanya has me beat there,” Five says, tone casually dismissive despite how his arms tighten around Ben, holding him close. He pulls back after a moment, surveying Ben’s face.

“I’ll get Vanya to wait with you?”

“Please.”

Five nods, disappearing in a flash of blue. Ben closes his eyes, running his finger over the rim of the water glass as he ignores the restless feeling beneath his skin, an itch he can never quite scratch. What feels like hours (but was probably less than a few minutes) later, Ben hears the bathroom door creak open as soft footsteps pad over to where he sits. He cracks an eye open.

“Hey,” Vanya murmurs, sinking down on her knees next to Ben and brushing his hair away from his forehead. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit,” Ben says hoarsely. Vanya nods, wrapping her arms loosely around him as she leans her head against his shoulder; Ben can feel the tentacles settle even more beneath the comfortable weight of her arms.

Vanya is definitely the most tactile of their trio though, given how they were raised to show little affection to each other, that isn’t saying too much. Still, her inclinations to touch have bled into both his and Five’s habits to the point where grabbing each other’s hands or tangling their legs together when half-asleep now feels like second nature. Ben appreciates this aspect of their friendship, as both her and Five’s touch always seem to calm both himself and the eldritch being inside him.

They sit together in a comfortable silence for a bit, though Ben can practically hear the gears in Vanya’s head turning as she feels the air, thinking of how to give voice to her thoughts.

“Just say it Vanya,” Ben huffs, exasperation quickly morphing into trepidation at the expression she gives him. She tilts her head, dark eyes considering him.

“I heard what happened,” Vanya says quietly. That white-hot flash of embarrassment courses through Ben’s system again and he scowls.

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Ben pulls away from Vanya, though not enough to dislodge the set of her arms around his waist.

“Don’t say it like that. You did well.”

“Did I?” Ben says acidly, expression softening slightly as he sees Vanya’s lips set in a small frown before she nods.

“I’m sure Five said something to that effect as well. But I guess you want to hear it again?”

Ben opens his mouth to retaliate, stopping as he sees that familiar twinkle in Vanya’s eye. Ben sighs, rubbing the back of his neck ruefully as he gives Vanya a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, well…You know Five. His compliments are like Rubik’s cubes.”

Vanya grins, knocking her knee gently against his. “He tries his best.”

“He does. And I appreciate it.” Ben pauses before sighing. “Still doesn’t change much.”

Vanya makes an indignant noise, her hands raising to rest on his shoulders as she gives him an insistent look.

“Ben, you protected Klaus,” she says firmly. “You kept him _safe_. That’s more than enough, and Dad can fuck off for saying otherwise.”

Ben’s eyes widen. “Vanya! A swear?” He grins as he sees her cheeks flush, her hands quickly retracting from his shoulders to cross defensively over her chest.

“I can curse too,” she grumbles, gaze fixed on the floor. Ben lets out laugh, slinging his arm around her shoulder as he playfully ruffles her hair.

“Five’s a bad influence, you need to stop hanging around him.”

“Like you could stop him.” Vanya sticks her tongue out at Ben before leaning into him, curling her right arm around his waist. When she speaks again, her voice is quieter, more thoughtful.

“I wish we could do more to show you how much we care. How much you matter.”

“You guys do plenty,” Ben murmurs, resting his chin atop her head. Vanya hums in response, shrugging.

“We try our best. Speaking of, is there anything I can get you?”

“I’m alright for now. You being here is more than enough.”

Vanya returns his smile easily, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear before frowning.

“If I could, I’d play for you, but…” She trails off, eyes flicking upward towards Reginald’s study. Ben nods in understanding.

“Though…” Vanya taps his knee, “There’s a section of piece I’m working on that’s played in _pizzicato_. That’ll be quiet enough to try, if you think that’ll help?”

Ben shrugs. “I’m up for anything.”

Vanya nods, and Ben breathes a sigh of relief as the throbbing in his head settles once he’s steady on his feet, arm thrown over Vanya’s shoulder as they slowly trek to her room.

A sudden creak on the stairwell causes them to freeze, both turning towards each other with twin expressions of panic on their faces. Ben can feel Vanya’s breathing slow as his fingers tighten against her shoulder, both of them preparing for the sight of Dad’s face, the stern expression of displeasure something they are both _very_ familiar with. But nobody emerges.

Vanya jerks her head towards the door, ushering him just a little faster towards it. Several seconds feel like several lifetimes, but the door finally shuts securely behind Vanya and both she and Ben let out long, relieved exhales. Ben immediately falls face-first onto Vanya’s bed, disturbing the pristine sheets.

“What I wouldn’t give for Five’s teleporting abilities,” he groans, voice muffled against the cloth. Vanya huffs out a quiet laugh, the familiar _click_ of her violin case opening further putting Ben and the tentacles in his stomach at ease.

“I’ll bet it was just Diego sneaking out again,” she mumbles, already caught up in the process of setting everything up. Ben turns onto his side, watching as Vanya checks her strings and quickly tunes the instrument before hopping onto bed next to him, music in one hand and instrument in the other.

“Scoot,” she whispers, nudging his head gently with her elbow as she sits next to him. Ben lets her settle down, violin tucked securely under her chin and sheet music fanned out before her, before he rests his head on her thigh and closes his eyes. The gentle plucking of the violin strings is a new sound, but the feeling of being near Vanya’s comforting presence is entirely familiar. Ben relaxes into it, letting the quiet music lull him into dozing peacefully until Five appears, the familiar flicker of blue and rustling of a plastic bag announcing his presence.

“Dinner time,” he says in a hushed voice, raising the bag containing doughnuts and pills. Ben groans as he feels the tentacles in his stomach stir at the disturbance, though thankfully, the headache and nausea seem to have subsided. He blinks blearily, squinting at the clock.

“It’s…12:37AM.”

“And?” Five sets himself neatly on the bed, shoes already removed, and unearths the small box of doughnuts while passing the pills to Ben.

“ _And_ how are we even planning to do this?” Ben props himself up on his elbow, quickly taking two pills before eyeing the box of doughnuts with suspicion. Vanya carefully sets her music and violin aside, leaning back on her hands as she looks at the two of them.

“Open the box and…go to town?” Vanya says haltingly.

Five snickers.

“I don’t think it works that way,” Ben deadpans, sitting up straighter as he worries the edge of his sleeve with his fingers.

“They ate the doughnuts before, didn’t they?”

“That was different,” Ben mumbles, gaze skirting off to the side. “Didn’t have an audience last time.”

“Ah.” Five tilts his head, making a move to stand. “Do you want us to leave?

Ben grabs Five’s wrist, eyes wide as his gaze darts between the two of them.

“No! No…you guys can stay. Just…don’t get too freaked out?”

Five waves his hand. “I’ve seen you work before. Though,” Five pauses, turning toward Vanya. Ben follows suit, both their gazes trained on her.

“I can handle it!” She frowns, looking quickly between the two of them as though challenging them to disagree. But Ben only nods, settling himself more comfortably on the bed.

“Alright. Just—give me a bit.”

Ben closes his eyes, exhaling as he relaxes his ironclad grip on his self-control enough to feel one tentacle slide out from under his shirt, almost hesitant in its movement. Ben considers before letting another emerge, feeling them both move forward to timidly open the doughnut box.

“Whoa,” Vanya breathes. Ben cracks one eye open to see her gaze trained intently on the tentacles’ movement. He winces.

“Sorry, I know it’s gross—"

“No, no, it’s really amazing! I wish I could do something as cool,” Vanya says wistfully.

“You’re cool enough already,” Ben says in amusement, relaxing enough to let another tentacle creep out. It moves over close enough to touch Vanya’s knee lightly before diving into the doughnut box as well, emerging with a jelly doughnut twisted in its grip. The three of them watch as the tentacles retreat back into Ben with the food in hand, quickly disappearing from view.

Ben looks up at Five and Vanya. “That…actually helped. I feel a lot better, somehow.”

“Hunger is a dangerous thing,” Vanya says in a grave tone, nodding solemnly at Five who only manages a quick nod in return before ducking his head down, hiding the smile curving his lips.

“Hey,” Ben says, responding to Five’s amusement with mock indignance. He moves to flick Five’s forehead with his finger, only to feel Five suddenly reappear to his left. He turns to give Five a look, only to feel Five’s finger playfully poking his cheek.

“Too slow.” Five smirks before glancing at the clock again. “We should sleep.”

Ben nods, using Vanya’s shoulder as leverage to push himself up from the bed. Vanya catches his fingers, tugging his attention towards her.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thank you for that. I owe you,” Ben says, squeezing her fingers gently. She shakes her head in amusement, squeezing back before turning to wiggle her fingers at Five.

“Good night!”

“Night Vanya,” Five murmurs, giving her a small wave in return before extending his hand to Ben. Ben takes it, feeling the familiar but unsettling sensation of being warped to another location.

“All good?”

“All good,” Ben hums. “Thank you, seriously.”

Five pats his arm, cheek dimpling as the corner of his lip ticks up in a small smile.

“Of course. See you in the morning.” Five gives him a casual two-fingered salute before vanishing in a flash of blue, leaving Ben alone in his room. He lets out an exhale, flopping onto his bed.

Tomorrow, he’ll have to scrutinize his actions on the mission today. He’ll have to face one of Dad’s longer lectures, face the fearful faces of most of his siblings. He’ll have to reexamine his self-control techniques, and probably round the whole day off with enough extra training that a headache will show itself again.

But that’s tomorrow. For tonight, Ben thinks of Vanya; the sound of her fingers plucking at violin strings with all the confidence of an expert, her gentle teasing, and warm, kind eyes. He thinks of Five; the sharpness of his observations, the amused curve of his smile he doesn’t hide as much when around the three of them, and the care woven into his words despite the casual tone he always adopts.

Ben smiles to himself. Tomorrow, things will be hard. But they always are. For tonight, things are okay.

**Author's Note:**

> long word vomit time but i like to think a lot of the symptoms ben has are kind of a result of the cognitive dissonance he has with his abilities; the tentacles are such a stark contrast of how ben views himself (a nice, kind, law-abiding person in comparison to ELDRITCH MURDER HORROR) and that internal struggle for control while tamping down what is an essential part of himself (whether he likes it or not) makes his body kinda rebel against his mind? but five and vanya make it better bc he isn't as conscious of it around them
> 
> idk tl;dr i love them to bits
> 
> come find me on [ tumblr](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/) if you want to talk more!


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